I woke up and realized that this “fantasy” of a good life with him would never happen, as much as I did not want to admit. As I drove away there were tears in my eyes and a deep, aching pain in my heart. I had wanted the relationship to work out so badly…I had wanted to be the one to change his life!!! But I couldn’t…and it was the worst feeling knowing that no matter what I did, he was not going to change…at least not while I was around.
Here is the shocker…I did not necessarily leave only because I was being abused physically and mentally…I left because I could not handle the pain of “sharing” him with other women(called wife-in-laws)–for this was the part that hurt me the VERY most. My thoughts and plans were to “cure” his lusts for other women and money…but when this type of lifestyle (pimping game) gets deep under your skin and you live it for so long, it is all that you know.
What happened next? You REALLY want to know?
I got KIDNAPPED a few months later at a gas station by him and his friends! One night I was filling my car with gas, and the next thing I knew I hit on the head with binoculars, (I still have the scar) thrown into a mercedes benz, and was getting punched continually as the car was being driven 70 mph down a city street. Talk about the feeling of death coming…and pain…real FEAR.
I was then driven to a pimp’s lair. For the next 7 hours I was stripped completely NAKED, punched in the head (so many times I could not count). I then was told I had to bend my head down as they proceeded to cut all of my long hair off!!! By this time my nose had been broken, and I had been wacked HARD with an iron poker from the fire place on my right leg–all while I was getting “spit” on and screamed at for leaving my pimp. This was all done in front of 6 other pimps that claimed to be my friends…
My pimp had really lost it…and let his anger take control of him. Again, was he really mad at me? Or was he living out deep rooted issues–from his childhood…with a combination of “peer” pressure to perform in from of the other pimps?
The bottem line is this…when you are someone’s bread and butter…they will do crazy things to make sure that you don’t leave, or make money without them.
Believe it or not, after that night I managed to escape…and in a way that was really shocking…but I will leave the rest of this story for my book!!!
Even though I had left my pimp, I was back to my old tricks again…now even MORE determined than ever to “make it”! In other words, STRONG REBELLION from me being treated unfairly took over my very soul! It was then a very deadly “detour” was put in my path…I got really sick–I developed Hodgkin’s lymphoma CANCER while I was still working!
“What??? There MUST be a mistake doctor, I am so young, how can this be???”
The doctors say that this type of cancer can be caused by severe emotional trauma, high stess, and a feeling of low self-worth. I was told that I was in stage two of the cancer… I had lymph nodes in my neck and lungs FULL of tumors… and my chances of beating it were not very good. I was scared to say the least…but mostly in SHOCK!!!
Did I give up working then??? NO! I was in denial of just WHY it was happening to me. I then had to go through RADIATION and CHEMO for two years!!!